Friday, November 20, 2009

Over The Top Award



The Sylvester Stalone "Over The Top" Award ... for Sissy Blogs Is Mine At Last!
Wow, I just won my very first award with an apron on it … thanks to JordieGirl in the lovely UK. “UK” is not Upper Kentucky unless you’re from LA ... which is Lower Alabama. Anyway, go see her very cool blog when you get a moment.

Well, as I was saying … I am sure you all know I have won my share of awards in my lifetime including that third place (white and wrinkled) ribbon in the 4th grade all-school kick ball championships in Mesquite, Texas. BUT, I have never won ANYTHING with an apron on it. What joy! Truthfully, I am feelin’ kinda weepy about this notoriety.

According to the RULES … which everyone here knows … I am not exactly a rules kinda guy. In fact, I break rules if they exist to this day and I am not at all afraid to advertise that. I’m sick of rules in all forms. Well, not quite, but almost.
I have decided not to fight all the media coverage that has been thrusted upon me and our family as a direct result of being the recipient of this most prestigious lifetime achievement award. Apparently, I have to answer some questions for the record ... but I am not sure why. I think they sent the wrong questions.

So ... as JordieGirl so eloquently said in her acceptance speech, … "Let’s get on with those flipping questions now”!

1. Where is your phone?
I never know where it is until it rings.
2. Your hair?
Very grey but I am not attending hair club meetings. However, I do like clubs.
3. Your Mother?
Still Mom. Ate pea soup at her house tonight.
4. Your Father?
In heaven. Probably waiting to slug me for all those jokes at the funeral.
5. Your favourite food?
Too many. Wife makes everything. Chelsea spaghetti is up there.
6. Your dream last night?
I am on way too many pills to remember stuff that happens when I am awake. Forget remembering dreams.
7. Your favourite drink?
I just noticed that favorite = favourite in the lovely UK. Drink? Hmmm, what’s the temperature? Mom’s tea, McDonalds coffee, Red’s turpentine. Bring it on!
8. Your dream/goal?
Middle management, trailer home, and seniors discounts! That’s livin’ the dream.
9. What room are you in?
My wife’s bedroom. I am on the road too much to call it mine.
10. Your hobby?
Photography? Knaw! That’s a way of life to me, not a hobby! Now “being arbitrary” THAT’s a hobby!
11. Your fear?
I fear less everyday but maybe it’s not being able to solve all my problems. I thought I could years ago or at least I was foolish enough to think I could.
12. Where do you want to be in six years?
That’s easy! I would like to be eating crackers in one of the party rooms at the Bartonville State Asylum in Peoria, Illinois. “IT’S MY TURN TO HOLD THE GUINEA PIG!!!”
13. Where were you last night?
At home in Illinois.
14. Something that you’re not?
Afraid to put my foot in my mouth. I like it!
15. Muffins?
I thought you would never ask. After all you had two big plates sitting in front of me for the last half hour. I already ate three when you walked out of the room between question 4 and 7.
16. Wishlist item?
Nothing? Who says nothing? OK … let’s see, I want a wallet big enough to stash the national debt in $5 bills. Then I want to walk in and pay it off … but I want members of the Senate and House of Representatives (OF BOTH PARTIES) to take turns counting out the bills to make sure I pay them the correct amount. Yeah, that way they would be useful for a change!
17. Where did you grow up?
I have spent major portions of my life in the suburbs of three major cities. They are Toronto, Chicago and Dallas. I have yet to show any inclination to actually grow up. Still crazy after all these years.
18. Last thing you did?
THIS! I know I got that right!
19. What are you wearing?
A large tube sock! Sassy!
20. Your TV?
I do not own a TV. I got sick of it.
21. Your pets?
My wife owns a Rat Terrier and me.
22. Friends?
Oh yeah!
23. Your life?
One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve.
24. Your mood?
Umm, I don’t know. I’m not in jail.
25. Missing someone?
Really no. Does that sound bad? Is everyone supposed to miss someone? I feel like Boy George singing “I know you’ll miss me, I know you’ll miss me”. I am not missing anyone that I won’t see again. So, I really have no capacity to miss them. I miss my family when I am out of town for extended periods. BUT RIGHT NOW, I am home so I am not missin’ anybody. I think this means I should spend more time missing people. Maybe I miss some relatives. That’s a great line! Now they need to guess who they are!
26. Vehicle?
My wife has a car. I bought it but I really only get to drive an AVIS rental car in cities far away.
27. Something you’re not wearing?
Gee, what kind of sicko would ask that? OK, I gotta say underwear to make my family sick.
28. Your favourite store?
Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
29. Your Favourite colour?
Green! Geniuses pick green … but you didn’t pick it.
30. When was the last time you laughed?
I saw my Great Grandma fall down two flights of stairs this morning. I was dying.
31. The last time you cried?
Right after my Great Grandma got her Colt pistol out of her purse.
32. Your best friend?
She knows.
33. One place that I go to over and over?
The bathroom.
34. Facebook?
My teacher used to say “Face the wall and read your book.”
35. Favourite place to eat?
The courtyard in front of Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.

Well, I am finally finished.Thanks again for the “Over The Top” Award JordieGirl.

NikonSniper Steve

Lake In The Arizona Mountains

Thursday, November 19, 2009